Reindeer sweaters, eggnog tasting and a competition for the best potato salad. These are common attributes of corporate Christmas gatherings. But in politics, time is not wasted even at the tree, and there is no room left for tears of emotion and nostalgic reminiscence. Get ready for power struggles.
Petr Fiala invites his colleagues to his office in the Straka Academy, primarily so that he can test the quality of the prepared New Year’s speech on them. He ends the speech with a surprise announcement that he will not let anyone fall in 2024, followed by a five-minute standing ovation from everyone present. In an unprecedentedly tender atmosphere, the parties sit together on the ground, hold hands and confide in each other their resolutions for the new year.
Fiala promises that next time she will shop in Germany only without the presence of cameras. Jana Černochová vows to curb her desire to terminate membership in international organizations without warning at half past ten in the evening. And vice-president Eva Decroix lets it be known that, for the good of all, she no longer prefers to be friends with politicians who would like to murder gays in their homeland.
Under the pretext of an Advent party, the party’s crisis staff will actually meet. After the chairperson Markéta Pekarová Adamová narrowly prevented the demise of the Spolu coalition with a cute rant about how the founder Kalousek would be much better suited in the Senate than in Brussels, TOP 09 must work together to avert another threat: the disappointed and insulted forefather Kalousek establishes a new party and sucks out of the already badly squeezed five percent. No Christmas idyll, survival is decided here!
After the turbulent years of 2021 and 2022, the party of the STAN movement could resemble a peaceful friendly meeting for the first time. But with the words: “It’s time to talk about the bylaws, guys,” old acquaintance Petr Hlubuček opens the door with the decision of the Municipal Court in Prague.
A poster with an invitation to a Christmas happening has been hanging on the popular display area of the ANO movement, i.e. in the toilets, for several days. However, most MPs would rather apologize for the event than risk being chased by Alena Schillerová all evening with a mobile phone in her hand in an attempt to record a new video on TikTok. Andrej Babiš would of course like to participate, but unfortunately he will be in Hungary at that time.
The entire four-member Pirates club will meet in all its glory in the afternoon in the parking lot of a supermarket, where they have called a demonstration through social media for the ban on the sale of live carp. After the end of the massive protest event, together with all seven protesters, each will release one fish into the water.
When the Pirates near the Vltava finally admit to themselves that the four of them are somehow lacking in strength, the first thing they think of is to break into the STAN gazebo, which they immediately change their mind when they remember what such a gathering has resulted in in 2021. So Bartoš, Kocmanová, Richterová and Michálek they let the party forum vote on their celebratory program, so everyone ends up at the techno party in Vršovice.
Tour buses will pick up the people at Malostranské náměstí and the whole club will leave en masse for a few days to South Moravia. Anyone who even fleetingly mentions the existence of pre-election polls will be unconditionally expelled from the rented church.
Christmas does not take place in the SPD. All members must wait until Santa Claus arrives in January to celebrate…
And finally, I mustn’t forget the refugee from the ANO club and MP Ivo Vondrák, who is currently not included, because he can choose the most sympathetic style of celebration from the generous offer of parties. Merry Christmas!
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